It was a regular day in my life as I sat and relaxed in front of my computer. I sat down to take the time to relax and do nothing. But, “doing nothing” does not involve doing nothing. “Doing nothing” involves tweeting on Twitter, posting up on Facebook, reading, listening to music, and writing down my thoughts. At one point during my day, I came across a video that had Steve Harvey in an interview. The interview was with CNN and he noted that he is “incapable of having female friends”. Also, he told the interviewer that “We remain your friends in hopes that one day there’ll be a crack in the door…a chink in the armor. Trust and believe that guy that you think is just your buddy: he will slide in that crack the moment he gets the opportunity ‘cause we are guys.”
And after that moment, I let out a significant sigh of disbelief. Then he doubles back with this statement: “I tell you what: all your male friends…just ask them in a friendly way “If I wanted to date you, would you be okay with that?” and watch the fireworks”.
Again, I was relegated to do nothing but sigh in disbelief.
I did not even know where to begin to even express the madness that such a point of view can actually cause. To reduce the male point of view to something as ordinarily simplistic and barbaric was more astounding than insulting. Even more shocking, there are people that actually agree with Steve Harvey. Many males do not believe that females and males can be friends. Many females also feel the same way, even though it may be at a lesser amount than males. Still, the madness that Steve Harvey mentioned is a common belief amongst many men and women.
Yet, I can’t totally blame them for believing the present chocolate covered lie: Men and women are incapable of true platonic friendship.
It is time to keep it real: males and females ARE capable of friendship on a plutonic level.
I deeply understand the formalities behind this chocolate covered lie because it is deeper than just a mere belief system. To truly understand this, we have to take a total cultural observation as to why people believe this.
To start, male/female relationships has always been minimalized (to say the least). Aristotle, the famous Greek philosopher, wrote on friendship at length in the Nicomachean Ethics. However, he excluded women from most of the discussion. Also, he stipulates that marriage is an unequal and flawed relationship that is comparable to the relationship between ruler and subject [1]. Many other scholars agreed as time when on. In de Amicitia, Cicero felt that honorable men had friendship and women weren’t ready nor good enough [2]. Michel de Montaigne, during the 16th century, noted "To tell the truth, the ordinary capacity of women is inadequate for that communion and fellowship which is the nurse of this sacred bond; nor does their soul seem firm enough to endure the strain of so tight and durable a knot" [3].
Therefore, it can be safely said that friendships between men and women has been historically disregarded and frowned upon. This was due purely to the idea that men were superior to women. Plus, if there was any relationship, it was to be romantic.
The bigger issue is this: we are relegating ourselves to beliefs that don’t apply to our lives and don’t fully function within our society.
Women are not the same cultural/societal beings that they were before. In the past, women were focused on tending to the house, bearing children, and serving their husbands. However, roles have shifted. While there have been no genetic miracles to make men have babies (thank God), women are not relegated to be homebodies. Many women have jobs, may not have any children, and earn decent to impressive earnings. As a whole, women may not be on equal footing as men. Yet, it needs to be said that they do not play the same historical role. In the end, the past ideals towards women will not stand the time for today’s focused and enterprising female.
Historically, the chocolate covered lie is a waste. However, there is something else that needs to be discussed: sexual disposition. And when I mention sexual disposition, I mean the “When Harry Met Sally Syndrome” that is still prevalent in our society.
The “When Harry Met Sally Syndrome” refers to the movie When Harry Met Sally. In this movie, Harry does not believe that men can be friends with women because sex always gets in the way. Sally disagreed, of course. Although Harry held to this belief, he ended up still being friends with Sally to his own chagrin. The movie ends off with them becoming a couple. Thus, for many people the “When Harry Met Sally Syndrome” holds some merit when it comes to male/female relationships.
The oddest thing about not having male/female friendships is that it is counterproductive in romantic relationships. An easy reason for a romantic relationship to not work is because the male and female does not get along. The best way to have a lasting romance is to have someone that knows how to be your friend within it all. Be real: what type of romance are you going to have if sex and possible children is the only thing you have in common?
Yet, for many people, there is a belief that still stands: men can’t befriend women because we are too busy trying to get into their panties.
There, I said it. And I’m not buying it.
First of all, a person needs to even realize whether or not that man even finds the female attractive. Second, it suggests that men are purely instinctive animals that lack any moral compass or self-control. While plenty of men are like this, ALL men are not. Think about it: if any man feels that a woman is put on this Earth purely for their carnal desires, than they need to have their heads reexamined. Plus, like the aforementioned info earlier, women are not the same downtrodden, house maids that they were of the past. In reality, men can be friends with women if they aren’t trying to have sex with them.
Now, if they are trying to get with you (seriously) then it makes things more difficult. Peep how I said “difficult”, not “impossible”.
In truth, male/female friendships can actually be healthy for both parties involved. A woman can add perspectives for a man that they need to consider [4]. They can show a more sensitive side to someone’s thought process. At a flip of a coin, men can be great friends for females that may want to understand manliness and how we function [5]. Also, males can actually help females with their rational thinking. In other words, our differences and strengths can help power each other.
Now, the difficult part is getting past the “sex” part and just working at “being friends”. It can happen if the rules are laid out from the beginning. Whether that person (male or female) sticks around can help one realize that they either had ulterior motives or not. Also, one has to make sure that they are respectful to their friend of the opposite sex. Setting certain ground rules can always help with respect also. Effectively, if a friendship is approached as a friendship (with no ulterior motives) then it can work.
With a changing society, males and females have to realize that friendship can work between the sexes. However, understanding their roles and laying rules out on the table does help. Having male/female friendships are tricky due to the sex factor. Yet, that does not make them impossible. With understanding, respect, transparency, and honesty can ensure that male/female friendships remain rewarding and worthwhile.
‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!
3 comments:
Well put Markie! I'm so proud of you my dear friend. Sexual attraction doesn't have to be the glue that keeps a man and woman together (as friends or lovers). Mutual respect, honesty, compassion, and shared interests should be the driving force behind all relationships.
And that is pretty much what I was trying to get at. I have heard some men say "I never befriended a friend without ulterior motives". If that is the case, you were never a friend. The friend zone is meaningless unless you have ulterior motives. Why would a man care anyway? Every woman does not exist for conquest.
I suspected my wife of cheating on me but I never had any proof. This went on for months, I didn't know what to do. i was so paranoid and decided to find a solution, i saw a recommendation about a private investigator and decided to contact him. I explained the situation about my wife to him and he said he was going to help me.I gave him all the informations he required and afterwards i received all my wife’s phones Text messages and calls, I was hurt when i saw a picture of my wife and her lover. I feel so bad about infidelity. but i am glad Mr james was able to help me get all this information, you can contact him via email(worldcyberhackers@gmail.com)
Post a Comment