Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve: Chocolate Covered Lie #4

Note: This was created in May of 2008. However, since this is a newly edited blog, I want to post all of my past work. Enjoy!

The world is built around secrecy. Secrets are the unknown information that can either make or break any situation. As a kid, you kept secrets out of shame, surprise, anxiety, or for the sake of mitigating issues. As an adult, you keep secrets out of shame (again), surprise (as usual), or for the sake of mitigating issues (wow….more things change, the more they stay the same). Yet, the most interesting thing about secrets is this: very few last for too long. For the most part, more and more issues are becoming documented news. For whatever reason, the "cat is let out of the bag". This leads to the next Chocolate Covered Lie (number 4):

If A Man Does Cheat, He Is Actually With Another Woman.

            As shocking and as appalling as many may feel about this, there are situations when a man will cheat, but not with another woman. No, some of these men (far too many for the sake of marital bliss and family structure) are messing around on their wives, girlfriends, or significant others for OTHER MEN. These men will come home, making everything look as beautiful as can be. I know this may not be true for all, but it's true for some. A lot of these men will build fruitful relationships that are worthwhile and healthy. They may have the nice house. They may have the beautiful children. They may have the job with benefits and opportunities for upward mobility in the ranks. They may have everything that is needed for "that house on the hill and the white picket fence." Yet, on their downtime, these men will get down "on the downlow."

I don't know for you, but for me this is earth shaking, if not earth shattering.

            First of all, let us get into the issues it will cause within the family structure. For one, if the news gets out that the man is getting down with another man, how will this make the woman feel? Well, I can give you some emotions and feelings to go by: hurt, ashamed, betrayed, depressed, scared and confused. If I miss any emotions then I do apologize. However, these women will be hurt by the fact that their man is messing around on them behind their backs with another M-A-N. If messing with another woman is bad enough, getting with a man can be a little unnerving to say the least. They will feel betrayed by the fact that THEIR man is doing something that is, in their eyes, more inconceivable than being with another woman. It will make a lot of these women think "What the hell was the point of being with me anyway if you are on a penis hunt?" Then, in comes the depression. Some women may look at it as "Hey, that fool was gay anyway." Others, however, will question their womanhood and the strength of their abilities of being a pleasing partner. They may even go as far as think that they have "drove their man to being gay". Now, the scary part is this: these women have to wonder about what possible diseases that they may have contracted. This would be true for him messing with a woman. But, with the stigma that is left for people to believe about gays and HIV (plus the statistics that actually follow), this is double the fear, double the horror. After all the confusion that is going on, the woman can become more likely depressed.

I think I ran through the gamut of emotions that I feel women will go through.

So, what about the possible family that is left in the aftermath? What about the kids? Well, to tell you the truth, here comes the anger, resentment, and even more confusion. These children will feel angry that their father is doing something to their mother that they fully do not understand. And, if by chance they do understand it, then why in the hell did this man go through the motions and waste their time anyways? Why put them through all these changes if you were not going to be with the woman they believed that you would be with forever? From there comes the resentment. These children will resent you for breaking up their happy family, even if it wasn't that happy in the first place. After it's all said and done, they will become confused. Some will question whether or not they caused the rift. Sad part about that is it probably has nothing to do with them. Others may even become scared about their relationships with future mates. And there is even that fraction that will (heaven forbid) question their sexualities when there may not even be anything to question.

As you may notice, this is becoming a big mess, and I haven't even covered the health concerns.

            With these types of activities (hetero or homo sexual), comes the health concerns. For those that do not know, black women are being diagnosed with HIV at a rate 20 times that of white women. In fact, let me break down even more facts about this situation:

--In 2002, African Americans accounted for more than half of new HIV cases reported in the United States, though they are only 13 percent of the population.
-- In 2003, African American men accounted for 44 percent of new AIDS cases among all men.
-- In 2003, African American women accounted for two-thirds of new AIDS cases among all women. White women accounted for 15 percent and Latinas 16 percent.
-- The rate of HIV and AIDS was 58.2 cases per 100,000 black women, and only 2.9 per 100,000 white women. The rate for Latinas was 8.1 per 100,000. [1]
-- The leading cause of HIV infection among African American women in 2002 was heterosexual contact, followed by injection drug use, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) now have to give out different studies to see how many white, black, Asian and Latino men fit the down-low profile. They want to identify how, if at all, being on the down low differs from being "in the closet," and they want to determine whether down-low men have a role in infecting women with HIV. Very little is actually known about this "phenomena" of the "down low male". There is a chance that they will question Whites, Latinos, and other races besides Blacks. However, from what studies say, ours is the only one on a steady rise. Therefore, the CDC will concentrate on Blacks first and foremost.

Sigh.

          Ironically, a lot of these men do not consider their actions bisexual or gay. Oddly enough, the gay community does not take to these men totally. Well, maybe enough to let them get their rocks off, but not enough to embrace them. In fact, I cannot help but applaud the gay community for doing this. If you are gay/bisexual, then that is what you need to be. Leading on and doing things you have NO business doing in any respect for your own sexuality (in this case) is only offensive and repulsive. Having the nerve to try to lead a double life in this nature is not only unfair to others; it is disrespectful and practically insane.

            In the end, there are no studies that directly link these activities to the HIV/AIDS epidemic. I am not trying to point any blame on who is causing what, how, or why. However, what I can say is this: this situation is not helping either. This whole debacle is leaving people in the dark. Now there has to be studies to make sure that this "phenomena" is not something that is causing some damage to the African American community. Well, more so to see HOW MUCH damage it is probably causing.

 In totality, this situation is horrible. All this situation is doing is causing a lot of unnecessary confusion. If, as a man, you are gay then you need to be gay. If you are bisexual, be bisexual. Do what you do. However, when you lead a double life, it's not fair to you or others around you.

 Nuff said on this topic. Double lives tend to sicken me to my stomach.