Living presently within my 30’s, I have seen some relationships come and go. Some have grown into wonderful unions of marital bliss. Others have evolved from love, to marriage, to an unevenly depressing divorce. And there are those relationships that don’t even make it past “we are just dating”. In turn, I have noticed that all relationships end either two ways: death or breakup.
Either or, there is going to be a death of something (relationship) or someone (significant other).
Some may wonder why I am taking a macabre approach to the situation. Well, for one, I just want to tell the truth. I don’t like to sugar coat anything. Let’s be real: Kool-Aid is still sugary water (sans coloring and flavoring). The second reason is that relationships and marriage tend to be given this moniker of being “held down”, “imprisonment”, or the “old ball and chain”. In reality, I relate to relationships ending from a horrid perspective because the being in one is looked at from a perspective of enslavement.
With that said, let’s go right into another chocolate covered lie that many love to follow:
Men do not want anything to do with a marriage based commitment.
It is time to keep it honest: no, this is not true. In reality, men WANT to be married. However, there is apprehension to making the wrong decision in picking their mate for a lifetime. Let us face the facts people: no one wants to be stuck with someone that they cannot stand. Better yet, no man wants to get married, have children, and end up divorced paying child support. Imagine yourself looking like Nas breaking up with Kelis. Do you have a vivid picture yet? Thank goodness.
Even if there are not even children involved, divorces can still be messy. Yet, there are plenty of men out there that want to be married. Now, it is time for us to get into some factoids.
Factoid number one: A study of 5,200 people ages 21 to over 65 who weren't married, engaged or in a serious relationship, funded by Match.com, and carried out by an independent company, noted that men actually want to be married. It is starting to seem that men are searching for that stability in life [1]. Although many lavish for a player lifestyle, they eventually get tired of the games, drama, and hard work it takes.
Let us keep it honest: having a harem of women is always harder than dealing with just one female.
Factoid number two: marriage is a financial stabilizer (on average). Census data from 1970 and 2007 to compare U.S.-born married people ages 30-44 — ages when "typical adults have completed their education, gone to work and gotten married," the study says. The data show more women than men today have college degrees. In 1970, 64% of graduates were men and 36% were women; in 2007, 53.5% were women and 46.5% were men. Also, women's earnings grew 44% from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% for men [2].
So, let’s get this straight: there are men out there that would actually like to be married. Also, men have a greater possibility of benefiting from a marriage financially. That does not mean that ALL men are looking for marriage and that men only marry for money. What this actually means is that there are those out there that have a desire to settle down. In addition, with the benefit of women excelling socially, marriage makes life easier for the male. With that said the idea for marriage is beneficial for a male in today’s western society.
Yet, the issue remains: why are so many people single? Why is marriage even considered an equivalent to “the ole ball and chain”? Why are people seeing a “union of God” looking at it as the ultimate “equivalent to Hebrew slavery with more sweat and less heat”?
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There are two main reasons for a lot of singularity out there:
1.) There are still many men and women that enjoy being single: Relationships are a lot of work. Considering the work one has to put in, many don't look forward to that type of union. Crazy as it may sounds, single life is a very attractive status for many. This especially works out for women. There is a newfound feeling of independence among the female population. With the switch of role reversals in the household (women earning more and doing even better), women are more entitled to have more options. Therefore, many women are opting out of being in a relationship and even starting a family. They would rather hang out with their homegirls, spend money shopping, go party whenever they feel like it and not be responsible to a husband or children. Also, there are men out there that want to enjoy their lives, be around their homeboys, and party all the time like an Eddie Murphy song.
2.) Divorce, divorce, and more divorce: one out of two marriages end in divorce [3]. People are finding that if they are not happy in a marriage, they would rather break it off. Everyone can figure out the devastating effects of divorce. No need to go into that because I am reserving that for another blog entry. However, it can be said that divorce is so debilitating that many are avoiding marriage unless they are sure they are with the right person.
To all my women out there that are ready for marriage: find a worthwhile like minded male that feels the same way about marriage as you do. They are out there. Get your flashlight out during the day time and find him.
To all the men out there: many of you want to get married. You guys might as well admit it. If you do not, that is understandable. However, if you do then you need to find that one that is down for family reunions and rocking chairs.
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