Grass is Greener- Chocolate Covered Lies #3

I love being from the Midwest.

Yeah, I said it. Now let me get into my over active reasoning and highly detailed silliness I call “perception”.

Always paying attention to what my father taught me (as much as possible, anyway), I would notice he would always take care of his lawn. He kept the yard fertilized right after the turn of the weather. The fertilizer helped promote the growth of the grass after a long, hard winter (especially in Gary, Indiana because winters are rough). Practically once a week, he would make sure that the grass was cut. Cutting the grass was part of keeping the lawn neat and impressive looking from the outside. It could not be cut just any type of way, either. It had to be in a pattern. This pattern followed the shape of the yard. Also, the grass was considerably watered to keep up the growth of the grass. A person would never want their lawn to get too thick because it didn’t look very pleasant. It would look like a jungle. After a while, if it wasn’t cut other problems would occur. Items may be lost in the yard. Weeds and mushrooms may begin to grow. So, this was a process that was repetitive and time consuming. However, the end result had its benefit. It would lead to a beautiful looking yard. And for a homeowner, that is always a good thing.

As I paid attention to the other yards around us, I would notice different situations. Some yards looked just as good as ours. Others did not. Some of our neighbors would have other people tend to their grass. Others did not. As encouraged as I was to see my father make it happen, sometimes I felt he worked too hard. Hey, maybe he could hire someone else. That would keep him from fertilizing and picking up weeds all the time. Heck, it could even keep me from cutting grass all the time (even though I didn’t mind). I would suggest this to my father, to no avail. I would even tell him that some of the other yards even looked equal/better to what we had. Then, I heard his classic response that assured master/apprentice recuperation in our relationship:

“Someone say the grass is always greener on the other side, but who is really taking care of their grass?”

Had I known then what I know now, I would have never even bothered to say anything to him about it. My father just taught me a valuable lesson about life period. Which brings us to the Chocolate Covered Lie #3:

The Grass is Greener On the Other Side

Now, some of us may wonder where I am going with this. Well, its time for me to break it down for you. A lot of infidelity (especially amongst the male species) deals with the lack of satisfaction within the home front. Reading something from a man by the name of Steven Stantagati, he would say that its “ninety nine percent boredom”[1]. Although this may not fit all cases, he does have a point to what he is saying. Men can easily be swayed into doing things outside of the marriage because the routine has become far too boring. Therefore, they go back to that “wandering eye” that they were used to having when they were single. Trying to find that spice of life. Trying to recapture some of that fun that they had. Just trying to enjoy their sexuality and the intimacy of a woman that really turns them on.

Because they feel the grass is greener on the other side.

In reality, it really is not.

What a lot of us men fail to realize is that, in turn, the grass is RARELY EVER greener on the other side. Sure, the girl that he may cheat with may do something that wifey/significant other does not do. Okay, there are some glaring differences between what the wife does that nags him and what the other woman does that peeks his interest. However, every person has some characteristics, habits, and ways that the partner will find highly annoying. Other times, it can become unbearable. And if by chance the grass is actually greener on the other side, why are you with that person? Maybe you guys should not be together. Period.

Same can be said for the women too. Women will have a tendency to cheat. Let us start being honest with ourselves. Women will EASILY find another man to mess around with due to revenge, lack of attention, growing apart from the spouse, lack of communication, or what have you. That other man may be interested in the things you are interested in. That man may know how to say that you are beautiful because your husband has grown lazy with it. That other man may feed that thirst of revenge that you seek out. That other man may listen to you when you talk, even if you guys don’t always agree. The same applies to the previous situation: he still may not be better all around. If by chance he is, then you just need to leave your present counterpart.

So, my good people, let’s figure out one thing: when do we start taking care of our own lawns?

When do we plan on bettering ourselves for our significant others? When do we plan on hitting the treadmill to make sure that we BOTH stay sexy? When do we plan on taking that special trip somewhere or just getting out of the house period? When do we plan on watching a good Sunday of football or getting dressed up to go to a play? When do we do the things that will keep the relationship together instead of break it apart?

I got two words for the help that WE ALL NEED: communication and sacrifice.

That’s it. Just those two words will make the biggest improvement.

For the men: lets start doing what is best for our relationships. Buy that bouquet of flowers. Tell her that she is attractive (you are with her, aren’t you?). Hit the gym a few times a week. Lay off the beer every once in a while (unless you are hitting the gym hard). Share your hopes and your dreams with her more often. I know this sounds like a whole lot of work. However, my father put in plenty of work to get his lawn to look good. When it was all said and done, it looked beautiful and it improves the whole look of the house and property. This is the same for relationship. Once you do certain things for that relationship (communication and sacrifice), and the relationship becomes healthy and it even flourishes. And healthy relationships are always good for you, children, and the community as a whole. One of my colleagues once said “A happy wife, a happy life”.

For Women: the same can be said for you. Make sure that your man understands you without being so nerve wrecking. Be sexy, look sexy, and think sexy for him. Do the things that you know he likes. You might just enjoy it yourself. Try to get into at least SOME of the things that he really enjoys. Sometimes, try talking to him to see what he feels instead of talking at him to push your might and will on him. He is a man, you know. He is going to believe what he wants to believe. Maybe you should work on persuasion instead of pressure. There are many different things to just change up and shape up.

And when it is all said and done, your grass stays green.

[1] http://www.lifescript.com/channels/well_being/Meditations_Motivations/6_reasons_why_men_cheat.asp