Last time around, we covered the ever elusive emotion of jealousy. Much was covered about the topic, from how it could be considered healthy to how it is actually anti-functional for human relationships. However, it has to be understood that jealousy is an emotion people will still validate. Also, it is an emotion that people will still experience. Experiencing this emotion is one thing. Yet, the validation will still baffle me. With that said, jealousy will still be that unnecessary evil that we could conquer.
But do we want to conquer it? I doubt it. What will probably happen is that people will shift from being jealous to just showing their envy (if possible). Which brings about our next chocolate covered lie: envy is a worthwhile emotion.
To make sure we are on the same page, the term envy needs to be explained. Envy can be defined as a feeling of grudging or somewhat admiring discontent aroused by the possessions, achievements or qualities of another [1]. Like jealousy, it harbors ill will and feelings towards someone. However, jealousy usually deals with relationship fidelity (of some sort). With envy, there is the feeling of dislike/disdain of another person over their possessions. In the end, envy exists because one person doesn’t like another having more than them.
Now, there are times when envy can be helpful. It can be a transient, nonthreatening feeling. More so than anything, it can be an “envy-lite”, which is closer to admiration (“Wow, her body is nice. I should ask her how often she works out.”)[2]. This is a great way of looking at a situation. A person might see someone that has what they desire. What that person could do is channel that into working harder to obtain the object of desire. Or, they could inquire how that person got what they have. Inquiringly, someone can use their slight envy to find their way to higher order achievement.
Yet, when things get heavy is when the foolishness occurs.
The problems begin to occur when “envy-lite” turns to “heavy duty envy”. It can be what University of Kentucky’s Professor Richard Smith calls envy proper, which involves some form of ill-will (“She’s got a great figure, for her age. Where are the lipo scars? You can tell that she’ll run to fat in a few years.”) [2]. What it becomes is this malicious vehicle towards depleting the achievements of others. It festers within a person’s being to actually disregard the acquisition of betterment for others. Consequently, envy can turn into something much worse than it needs to be.
What people don’t really understand is that envy can be as stupid, or even more nonsensical, than jealousy could ever be. And yes, this is my opinion. Now watch me manipulate and masturbate these words to make them climax with profound sense and understanding.
Get ready. There is plenty to be enlightened about.
First of all, both jealousy and envy are forms of schadenfreude. Schadenfreude is the German term that for “finding pleasure in the misfortune of others” [4]. This can say a lot about humans and humanity. For someone to take pleasure in the misfortune of others is quite unfortunate. Outside of issues of confrontation or competition, looking forward someone’s hardship is quite shocking. It is never a good thing for someone’s psyche to take pleasure in anyone’s disaster. With that said, schadenfreude shows the ugly side of humanity that can take the form of envy.
Another issue with envy is that it causes too many issues. First of all, envy can distort one’s perspective on life. People can become so engrossed in another’s achievements; they will do anything to “level the playing field”. Another problem with envy is that it causes division. People that are so envious of others that they become spiteful are really hard to be around. They will either do things to make themselves feel better or to make others feel worse. In the end, envy can be a relationship cancer that chemotherapy cannot cure.
In laymen’s terms, envy is an emotion that is relegated to haters. Plain and simple.
If one wants to get biblical with it, Proverbs even notes that “a tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot” [5].
Even still, people have not realized the cause of their envy: their insecurities. There are many different reasons that people are insecure:
· Feeling of not being "good enough" to meet the challenge of a situation you face in life.
· Sense of helplessness in the face of problems, conflict or concerns.
· Belief that one is inadequate or incompetent to handle life's challenges.
· Fear of being discovered as inadequate, ill-fitted or unsuited to meet responsibilities at home, school or on the job.
· Sense of not fitting in, being "out of sync" with those in your peer group.
· Perception that life is unpredictable with most of the expectations you have to meet not clearly understood. [6]
Within all those reasons, there will be ways to become envious of others. A person will dislike others that achieve because they don’t feel good enough. Also, people that don’t fit in or feel inadequate in all of life’s challenges will find ways to downplay others. By finding the problems, issues, and calamities within themselves, they will seek to find the same within others. In truth, envious people find profound ways to break people down because they themselves have already been broken into pieces within their own minds.
Connecting all the dots, envy can be considered to be stupid (in my eyes) because it shows WAY too much concern for others. I understand that one can use the success of others as inspiration towards achieving their own. I can also understand having successful people give them advice. However, I cannot condone bringing others down to bring themselves up. Also, I could never understand worrying about the affairs and constructs of other people’s progress when there should be concern of MY OWN affairs. In short, why in Sam Hell am I going to focus on someone else’s house of cards when I shouldn’t have used that pack of Bicycle’s to even construct my own fortress?
Envy has a very easy solution: focus on one’s own self-improvement. When a person focuses on doing what they need to do, then they will be okay. If a person doesn’t feel good about themselves, then improve what they can. Also, they should never waste time downplaying others. It doesn’t do any good to even pay attention to another person’s accomplishments unless it will be used to help promote/motivate/conceptualize one’s own. Take care of their own and make sure their goals/aspirations/hopes/dreams/whatever are accomplished is much more effective than harboring ill will because others are doing what they haven’t taken the time to do.
‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!
[5] (Prov. 14:30, ESV)
[6] http://www.livestrong.com/article/14655-handling-insecurity/
