Social Media Society- How Networking Sites Has Affected Relationships (Pt. 1)

                The internet has changed the game of life. And we all know it. 

                Once the internet became popular, life as we know it became a tad bit “different”. Information that took weeks, days, or hours to hear now only takes minutes or seconds. Many scrambled around to be the first ones to actually have something to say about a situation. Others have increased their understanding (or lack thereof) through blogging, gossip, and gross misrepresentations of life through video outlets (World Star and Youtube aren’t always good for us). Still, it remains that the internet has chained our lives for better and for worse. 

                Depending on your position on whichever the pendulum may swing, social networks can be seen as either or. What may not be up to debate is the effect that social networks have had on relationships (as a whole). Which brings me to my next Chocolate Covered Lie: social networks have improved relationships. 

You Really Have All Those Friends?

                Let me make one thing clear: many of those people on sites like Facebook may be considered “friends”. In reality, they are not. James Randerson, science consultant for The Guardian (UK) notes this:

Previous research has suggested that a person's conventional friendship group consists of around 150 people, with five very close friends but larger numbers of people who we keep in touch with less regularly. This figure is so consistent that scientists have suggested it is determined by the cognitive constraints of keeping up with large numbers of people. Larger numbers just require too much brain effort to keep track of. [1]

So, in many cases, many people have a few friends and many acquaintances. Not to say that many of those people on Facebook are not good people you want around in your life.  Yet, it is quite hard to say that these people are your friends unless you have “met them face to face” [2]. In reality, social networking sites have blurred the line between true friendship and casual acquaintances. 

                Just because they are not your true friends does not make them insignificant. They are just weak ties [3]. Think about this honestly: if you don’t hang with these people or break bread with them at least on occasion, how much of a friendship do you have? If you notice that you don’t discuss much outside of Drake’s eyebrows or Lil Wayne’s jeggings nightmare with these people, can you truly say that they are friends when they “tend to be kind of specialized in what topics you talk about” [4]. Consequently, as long as we recognize our relationships as what they are, there will be no issues. 

                Then again, being humans, we always let things get to our heads. This issue leads to the next section. 

Social Arrogrance over the World Wide Web

                Besides the issue if having “so called friends” within your circle, there is another situation that occurs on social networking sites. This situation is just another example of profound madness. People make it as if it should be “regular” or “common”. Yet, it still remains to be something that is profoundly disturbing. In the end, this situation does nothing but make relationships apprehensive.

               

                The situation I am referring to is the “internet ego”. 

                Don’t know what I am referring to? Well, let me break it down for you and the rest of the world. 

                Some people bring out a “pseudo panache” when they are on social networks. You ever see the plethora of photos put on display for the sake of compliments? Have you paid attention to the silly self-esteem jockeying middle names that always occur on Facebook? Even better: how often have you, or anyone you know, become “defriended” or “blocked” because you voiced an opinion that was contrary to someone else’s beliefs? If you have noticed any of this, then you are aware of the “internet ego”. 

                People could just write off this phenomenon as a washed up opinion if there wasn’t research to go along with it. A study at Cornell concluded to the same thing, thanks to Jeffrey Hancock’s conclusion:

Unlike a mirror, which reminds us of who we really are and may have a negative effect on self-esteem if that image does not match with our ideal, Facebook can show a positive version of ourselves. We're not saying that it's a deceptive version of self, but it's a positive one [5]

People always use Facebook to make themselves look positive, even to the point of false advertisement. While Hancock sees it as a positive thing, many other see it as the ego boosting situation that it is. Regardless of opposing views, social networks have become a place where some of us work to make ourselves “feel better”. 

                Which is ridiculous. 

The Skinny

                Social networks are great tools for interpersonal communication. However, they have created situations of ego stroking and mistaken relationships. It becomes a problem when people feel the need to work hard to win others over or cut them off because they aren’t brown nosing them. Social networks have improved the communication and worldwide information processing. The ego tripping is just added foolery that isn’t needed. 

                Part 2 coming soon!!! ‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!

Shared Brain Syndrome- Chocolate Covered Lies #21

                Sometimes, men and women can never escape the unnecessary argument or discussion. 

                Let’s get into the short story: I was having a discussion about behaviors and actions about certain aspects of life (love, stress, and other situations). At some point, I came out and said “Personally, most males don’t get too riled up about things because, in general, we really don’t care”. As usual, the female population around me did not want to hear this. I’m not sure whether or not they liked my answer or not. I’m not truly sure if they truly believed it but didn’t want to admit it. At the end of the day, they did not truly want to take in what I said. 

             And that right there is part of the problem: too many women think that men think like them. This leads me to our next Chocolate Covered Lie: Women and men think alike. 

Shared Values? 

                Although I understand that men and women don’t think alike, there will be something compatible: the capacity of shared values. What I mean should be pretty clear: men and women usually deal with those that share the same values. No real research is needed for that one:

• ·         Women that want to get married will usually try and deal with men that want to get married.

• ·         Christian men are usually going to look for a Christian wife.

• ·         If you are a male and hip hop is a part of your life, you might want to think of having rhyming kids with a rhyming wife. 

All jokes aside, what really needs to exist between friends, couples, and such are shared values. At the end of the day, all the contrasts have to meet up at Comparison Street. 

The Unshared Brain

                While men and women have the desire to share values, they may not share the same way of thinking; and that is the way it is and shall be. Molly Edwards, of Discovery Health, noted this:

Research indicates that men and women do in fact have different structures and wiring in the brain, and men and women may also use their brains differently. In some cases, this may explain some of the stereotypes that we may not like to acknowledge about the genders. For example, men do score better at tasks that involve orienting objects in space, while women do better at language tests. From there, it's but a quick jump to the conclusions that men are better at reading maps and women talk too much. [1]

Makes sense in the grand scheme of things: men and women think differently. From the research, we can gather that women tend to be more linguistically articulate while men are spatial experts [2]. It can be said that women can master words while men can manipulate objects. 

                Let us not get it confused: this is not some role defining science here. Don’t think that a man shouldn’t master language or women shouldn’t learn how to decorate their houses. However, it is a way to actually understand dispositions as to why both genders look at things differently. In fact, it should work to bring genders closer together. 

Boxes vs. Wiring

                Let’s be clear on how men handle things: we keep things in separate categories. Mark Gungor, known for his research on relationships explains “when a man discusses a particular subject, we go to that box, we pull that box out, we discuss what is inside THAT box, we put it away gently…to make sure not to touch any other boxes” [3]. So, men are usually going to be very distinct and direct with what they need to say. Women, however, have wiring. We all know that wiring is interconnected around everywhere, flowing into distant paths of light, energy, and whatever keeps yachts above water [4]. So, everything tends to be connected somehow and someway. In the end, men’s brains function like a Walmart stock room while women’s brains are like the internet. 

                What has to be understood is that this tends to cause miscommunication because a man and a woman will think about the situation differently. A woman may reprise all the issues that are associated with a problem and even go “too deep” or start “over analyzing” situations. That brain of hers, probably powered by Firefox or Google Chrome, is just rolling through all the infinite possibilities based off of a “keyword”. Meanwhile, the man is only dealing with his “box of goodies”. And whatever is labeled on that box is what he is dealing with. With that said, we all have to make sure that we are both “thinking on the same wavelength”. 

The Skinny

                Men and women need to realize that they have to be cognizant of how we don’t think alike. In the beginning, it may cause a lot of frustration and issues. However, clear communication and open ears can always help alleviate the situation. Even if she may be going into outer space, or he may be somewhere enclosed, doesn’t always mean give up. It means that there has to be better understanding. At the end of the day, many of us just want to be understood anyway. 

                Well, except for me of course. I just wanna relax and drink Arnold Palmers and not care about stuff. 

                ‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!!!