Grass is Greener- Chocolate Covered Lies #3

I love being from the Midwest.

Yeah, I said it. Now let me get into my over active reasoning and highly detailed silliness I call “perception”.

Always paying attention to what my father taught me (as much as possible, anyway), I would notice he would always take care of his lawn. He kept the yard fertilized right after the turn of the weather. The fertilizer helped promote the growth of the grass after a long, hard winter (especially in Gary, Indiana because winters are rough). Practically once a week, he would make sure that the grass was cut. Cutting the grass was part of keeping the lawn neat and impressive looking from the outside. It could not be cut just any type of way, either. It had to be in a pattern. This pattern followed the shape of the yard. Also, the grass was considerably watered to keep up the growth of the grass. A person would never want their lawn to get too thick because it didn’t look very pleasant. It would look like a jungle. After a while, if it wasn’t cut other problems would occur. Items may be lost in the yard. Weeds and mushrooms may begin to grow. So, this was a process that was repetitive and time consuming. However, the end result had its benefit. It would lead to a beautiful looking yard. And for a homeowner, that is always a good thing.

As I paid attention to the other yards around us, I would notice different situations. Some yards looked just as good as ours. Others did not. Some of our neighbors would have other people tend to their grass. Others did not. As encouraged as I was to see my father make it happen, sometimes I felt he worked too hard. Hey, maybe he could hire someone else. That would keep him from fertilizing and picking up weeds all the time. Heck, it could even keep me from cutting grass all the time (even though I didn’t mind). I would suggest this to my father, to no avail. I would even tell him that some of the other yards even looked equal/better to what we had. Then, I heard his classic response that assured master/apprentice recuperation in our relationship:

“Someone say the grass is always greener on the other side, but who is really taking care of their grass?”

Had I known then what I know now, I would have never even bothered to say anything to him about it. My father just taught me a valuable lesson about life period. Which brings us to the Chocolate Covered Lie #3:

The Grass is Greener On the Other Side

Now, some of us may wonder where I am going with this. Well, its time for me to break it down for you. A lot of infidelity (especially amongst the male species) deals with the lack of satisfaction within the home front. Reading something from a man by the name of Steven Stantagati, he would say that its “ninety nine percent boredom”[1]. Although this may not fit all cases, he does have a point to what he is saying. Men can easily be swayed into doing things outside of the marriage because the routine has become far too boring. Therefore, they go back to that “wandering eye” that they were used to having when they were single. Trying to find that spice of life. Trying to recapture some of that fun that they had. Just trying to enjoy their sexuality and the intimacy of a woman that really turns them on.

Because they feel the grass is greener on the other side.

In reality, it really is not.

What a lot of us men fail to realize is that, in turn, the grass is RARELY EVER greener on the other side. Sure, the girl that he may cheat with may do something that wifey/significant other does not do. Okay, there are some glaring differences between what the wife does that nags him and what the other woman does that peeks his interest. However, every person has some characteristics, habits, and ways that the partner will find highly annoying. Other times, it can become unbearable. And if by chance the grass is actually greener on the other side, why are you with that person? Maybe you guys should not be together. Period.

Same can be said for the women too. Women will have a tendency to cheat. Let us start being honest with ourselves. Women will EASILY find another man to mess around with due to revenge, lack of attention, growing apart from the spouse, lack of communication, or what have you. That other man may be interested in the things you are interested in. That man may know how to say that you are beautiful because your husband has grown lazy with it. That other man may feed that thirst of revenge that you seek out. That other man may listen to you when you talk, even if you guys don’t always agree. The same applies to the previous situation: he still may not be better all around. If by chance he is, then you just need to leave your present counterpart.

So, my good people, let’s figure out one thing: when do we start taking care of our own lawns?

When do we plan on bettering ourselves for our significant others? When do we plan on hitting the treadmill to make sure that we BOTH stay sexy? When do we plan on taking that special trip somewhere or just getting out of the house period? When do we plan on watching a good Sunday of football or getting dressed up to go to a play? When do we do the things that will keep the relationship together instead of break it apart?

I got two words for the help that WE ALL NEED: communication and sacrifice.

That’s it. Just those two words will make the biggest improvement.

For the men: lets start doing what is best for our relationships. Buy that bouquet of flowers. Tell her that she is attractive (you are with her, aren’t you?). Hit the gym a few times a week. Lay off the beer every once in a while (unless you are hitting the gym hard). Share your hopes and your dreams with her more often. I know this sounds like a whole lot of work. However, my father put in plenty of work to get his lawn to look good. When it was all said and done, it looked beautiful and it improves the whole look of the house and property. This is the same for relationship. Once you do certain things for that relationship (communication and sacrifice), and the relationship becomes healthy and it even flourishes. And healthy relationships are always good for you, children, and the community as a whole. One of my colleagues once said “A happy wife, a happy life”.

For Women: the same can be said for you. Make sure that your man understands you without being so nerve wrecking. Be sexy, look sexy, and think sexy for him. Do the things that you know he likes. You might just enjoy it yourself. Try to get into at least SOME of the things that he really enjoys. Sometimes, try talking to him to see what he feels instead of talking at him to push your might and will on him. He is a man, you know. He is going to believe what he wants to believe. Maybe you should work on persuasion instead of pressure. There are many different things to just change up and shape up.

And when it is all said and done, your grass stays green.

[1] http://www.lifescript.com/channels/well_being/Meditations_Motivations/6_reasons_why_men_cheat.asp

Chocolate Covered Lies Part 2: All Men Are Dogs

Growing up in a household where music was played at a constant and videos watched daily, I came to grips with the many things I saw and heard. I remember being really young listening to "Rapper's Delight" while getting my sucker stuck on my cover (just hood with it, I know). I can recognize the times when I would hear Frankie Beverly and Maze play at a picnic while all the grown ups "chewed the fat" over sodas, beers, and an occasional cognac (some people love to get sauced when its warm outside). I even remember having the occasional rock and roll joint that captivated my senses. Hey, "Under The Bridge" by Red Hot Chili Peppers is one of the greatest songs of all times…in my eyes.

However, none has intrigued me more than George Clinton and all that P-Funk he was on. You have to admit, from the gratuitous outfits, to the insanely convoluted and colorful artwork, to even the subject matter of the songs, he was something to remember. And remember him I do. Not for the many times he has been sampled by rappers. Not for the fact that he still has colored extensions in his hair. Not for his drug influenced music (do your research). I remember him best for the song "Atomic Dog".

And no, I'm not a member of Omega Psi Phi nor is any of my immediate family members…that I know of anyways.

I remember the song for what keeps repeating in my head (besides the intoxicating melody and slinky computerized sounds):

Why Must I Be Like That?
Why Must I Chase The Cat?
Must Be The Dog In Me!!

Must it be the dog in me, though? Must it be the animal labeled "man's best friend"? Should I be reduced to a canine because I shamelessly "chase the cat"?

Here is my observation of the situation: all men are not dogs. Yes, plenty of us have doggish ways. Some of us can be just as uncouth and in need of home training as your street wandering mutt. But, no, not all of us are dogs. Some men are highly confused as to what they want to do. Others are, to put it simple and plain, single. And if a man is going to be single, he is going to do what he does and how he does.

So, please cut the antics about a single man being a "dog".

I see that the reference comes from the fact that a lot of men (especially those that are single) have a knack of getting with any woman that they please. Naturally, that would be our choice. In real life, it still is our choice. However, with the inclination that a woman that does the same thing is to be considered a "whore" and a "slut". Does that make a man a "whore" or a "slut" also? Should the man be considered lascivious because he has the freedom to sleep around?

Shit yeah, they should. But the problem is this: it's a standard of mentality that is being held by both men AND women alike.

This whole mentality was harbored since the time that we were taught values. Young men are allowed to do more than girls at times. Girls are expected to be a certain way, act a certain way and carry themselves to a standard at all times. Given that mentality, it is really hard to shake the fact that men can wild out and women are expected to be "more civilized". At times I see this as wholly unfair to the female race. It just gives them something to be morally in check by. Another issue is that dealing with sexuality; they lack the freedom that the men have been given after birth and during their rearing. That lack of freedom has led to some women believing in unrealistic ideals about themselves and relationships. Others just end up rebelling because they want that taste of freedom.

Sad case, I know. But that is how it happens. What you are taught plays a big part in what you do and believe. Period.

Then you have the differences between how men and women perceive sex and relationships. Now, this difference causes some big issues and misconceptions. A lot of times, men will see sex for just what it is: sex. Sex is a pleasurable experience that is shared between two people. It's an expression of lustful, animalistic gratitude outside of the boundaries of relationships, caring, and what have you. Therefore, its too easy for a man to have that one night stand. Yeah, a man can say "Suck me off" and then tell the girl to go home. It is not him being "doggish" (well sometimes it is). Really, it's the belief and attitude as to what purpose sex plays.

For some women (a nice amount), sex is an act you share with someone special. Although it is highly pleasurable for women, it can be considered an expression of "love" or "commitment" for a lot of them. A lot of women were raised to believe that sex is something that you either save for marriage or save for someone you love. How often does this work out? It rarely works, especially within this sexually charged era that we are living in. In the end, I can't blame parents for teaching this. Women also tend to become more emotionally attached to a partner. This can spell problems for those men that are out to get a quick orgasm and turkey sandwich.

So, men, please don't think she's being totally stuck up because she won't give you any. You guys don't have that relationship. Even if she does have outside-of-relationship sex, she didn't choose you, so get over it. Or try harder. Or step your game up.

Ladies, just realize that some men can be doggish. However, all of us are not. We view things differently. One isn't better than the other. One just suits a person needs better than the other option. That's all it really is.

I think I might need to write a book about this stuff.

Chocolate Covered Lies. M-Dot and Jay Abeyta. Coming soon.

'Nuff Said.

Some Just Want A Taste (or Chocolate Covered Lies Part 1)

This is the first installment of what me and Jay like to call "Chocolate Covered Lies". What we are trying to reference here is the fact that alot of the things we go for, we believe in, we nurture in our lives are nothing but sweetened madness. Sugar coated shit, if you will. Chocolate Covered Lies sounds that much sweeter. Yet, it also gives good reference to why things always go wrong in the end.

Chocolate Covered Lie Number One: All Men Want Is The Punani

Okay, now that I have uncovered the first lie that exist, I can get into it starting off with a story. There is girl named Sally. She's a sweet young lady that would do anything for anyone if given the opportunity. She's not the flyest bird in the nest, but she's not an ugly duckling either. Clean herself up and she's really quite the attraction. All through her times working to understand the opposite sex, she has had very little success. Some guys only saw her as a friend. Some guys would get a taste and go somewhere else. Few would actually be worth the time. But, for some odd reason it never really worked out. Going on for years, this becomes somewhat tiring. So, in her own right, she begans to just slow it all down and be more observant.

Now, there is this guy by the name of Sam. He is an okay guy. He works to be very understanding towards the opposite sex. He never really tries to be the type that goes for sex on the first night. He feels that its something that lowers a woman's value (whether its actually true or not). He would rather get to know the female that tempts his interests. Since he feels he is a mature man of some stature, his actions should say that. He's no longer a kid. Therefore, why do the things of a child?

Due to circumstances only God can invent, they meet up at a public outing. They have a few drinks and talk. Chat, chat, chat and all that good shit, right? So, as the night is winding down, they have grown attracted to each other. Sam is still in gentleman mode. Sally is ready to let more than her hair down. For reasons related to carnal hunger, Sally propositions Sam. Sam agrees, even though he knows that if it gets sexual then its all downhill.

They go back to her place to get to know each other better....in the biblical sense. It was good for Sam and even better for Sally. After the all nighter, Sam wakes up, swiftly gets dressed and kisses Sally on the forehead leaving a note saying "Thank You, My Queen."

Now, with this story as the given premise, what are the likely outcomes from this situation:

a.) They end up getting together and have a fruitful relationship over time.

b.) They end up being fuck buddies and that is where it ends.

c.) They won't even see or hear from one another ever again.

All of the outcomes are quite possible. I doubt there is equal distribution for situations, but there is at least some likelihood that all could happen.

So, you may be wondering when I am going to uncover the chocolate covered lie? Well, its been uncovered for you. In order to view the situation correctly you have to look at all the factors present to see why you are getting what you are getting. For alot of ladies, they might miss a few points here and there. Maybe they gave up the ass too fast. Maybe they weren't looking for a man at the time. Maybe the guy just wasn't ready for a relationship.

There it is people. Alot of men are not really ready for full time, long term relationships. By choice, force of habit, circumstances or lack of the maturity their mothers couldn't give them...they aren't ready. Plain and simple. Some try to play that position. Some are just man whores that cannot really fathom the idea of settling down. Others are too busy in their progression career wise or mind wise.

Alot of women write these men off as "bad". Hell, I may call them a douche bag here and there. Well, they act like douche bags, but I explained that in my previous blog. Sometimes, they are just the victims of what they learned. As weird as this sounds, they just don't know any better. Some of these guys were not taught any chivalry as young boys. Instead, they were taught to "soil their oats" and "get it and go". So, that's what they think its all about. Then, they deal with the women that let them do just that. Therefore, that is their reality. As the old saying goes "if they knew better they would do better".

Am I trying to give an excuse for what they do? Naw. But, you are more than likely going to do what you either see or what you have been taught. And alot of females do not make the situation any better for them. Some females don't do things that foster progression for men at times. They may go on their sexual tirades stating "fuck men". They may act too loose in the booty yet expect respect. Some may act snooty and inconcievably stuck on theirselves. What does this do for the psyche of the man? You don't want to be bothered? Understood. You celibate? Understood. You just want to conversate and get to know him better? Great. You really like him, but you are feeling a little thirsty for some testosterone in your life? Be my guest. But, there is a way to do any and everything to get the proper results.

Lets make an analogy: if you give a person lemons, do not get mad when they make lemonade.
Women, do the things that demand the respect of these men. Alot of these men aren't that bad. Some are just hella misguided and they are living off of what they have learned. However, like I said earlier: you ain't gonna change him. Just show him a different way so he can see that he will want to change for himself. Make that be his "rock bottom".

Men....lets start doing what we need to do. Our women are in a fragile state right now. Lets show that we got what it takes. Lets be honest and upfront...at least most of the time. You just wanna fuck? Let her know. You want to fuck her and her friend at the same time? Go for it. God knows that thought has run through my mind with plenty of females. You wanna just hang out? Cool. You want her to come by just because you love the way she looks and smells? Hey, animalism at its best. At some point and time we just have to start being men. If you don't know what that is all about, then have a real man show you.

Before you say "Men ain't shit", you need to figure out whether or not he even understands what he should or should be doing.

If he knows better and he's still messing around..then he's just a douche bag. I wrote a blog about douche bags earlier and how women go for them.

'Nuff Said