Steve Harvey’s book is going to be turned into a movie!
That is right; everyone that gets to read this blog: the man behind the misleading manuscript got dibs on a motion picture. The movie for Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man has even confirmed Chris Brown to star. It will look at four guys whose relationship lives are turned upside down once the women they are dating take advice from Steve Harvey’s book. Eventually, the men get wise and use the book to their advantage. More than likely, things will work out for the best for all characters involved.
Still, who is going to save those women that actually bought this book and thought this was classified advice. Need more proof of the pure misleading malarkey located inside of this work? Let’s look at “Chapter 8: Why Men Cheat” to see the true foolishness of what he has to say:
Men cheat because they can, they have figured out they can get away with it, and because they haven’t become who they want to be and needs or found who he truly wants. Plus, there is always a woman out there to cheat with him!
*sigh*
It still amazes me that people spent hard earned money on a book this silly and simplistic. Yet and still, when it comes to women being desperate enough to find answers from a comedian whose relationship experiences include a few failed marriages, then nothing should come as a surprise.
Let us get into what REALLY motivates a man towards cheating beyond the simple and mundane, shall we?
First Reason for Cheating: Lack of Emotional Support
The lack of emotional support is one main reason why men cheat. Some men cheat because they have the feeling they are in some way not getting the emotional support for their partner that they deserve [1]. This seems to be an odd situation and goes against common logic about men. Many feel that men cheat for the sake of sexual gratification, thus having women appease men by giving them sex. Yet, they tend to ignore that many men are emotional creatures that crave the nurturing communication and presence that only their significant other can give them.
You read it right: men are emotional creatures. Please don’t be shocked. Everybody knew this for a while now.
This is important because remembering this fact will help dispel the idea of men leaving for “better looking women”. M. Gary Neuman, the author of The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray And What You Can Do To Prevent It, noted that a majority of the men he interviewed felt there was a lack of “an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. Men are very emotional beings. They just don't look like that. Or they don't seem like that. Or they don't tell you that” [2]. Take the time think about it: there are situations that a man try to hold his emotions but can’t. If he has ever cried for receiving an award, he is emotional. If he gets upset and shuts down, he is emotional. If you noticed that he cried during the last Harry Potter movie, he is emotional. In truth, just because men handle their emotions differently does not rule out that we require emotional sustenance.
Men need emotional support. They want to feel like they matter. It doesn’t require tears, a thousand hugs, and a whole lot of bonding over bon-bons. Simply showing him that he matters and he is on the right track always helps. Please don’t ignore the emotional need of the male to feel as if he is worth your time.
Birds of a Feather Flocking Together?
There is one thing that people rarely consider with men: the effects of their personal culture on their behavior. Over 50% of cheating men have witnessed their fathers cheating on their mothers [3]. Profound enough, many men have witnessed the act of cheating and may have it ingrained within them that this is a part of relationships (in some instances). Also, there is the fact that more than 75% of cheating males hang around cheating males [4]. Therefore, cheating can be more than a desire; cultural norms come into play also.
Do not be confused: I am actualizing cheating, not justifying it. Many may find it hard to swallow the bitter pill that many men have no true IDEA as to how to be faithful and monogamous. Beyond the physical nature that our animal instincts don’t present a worthwhile base for being monogamous is the fact that it hasn’t been represented customarily. However, it does not mean that it is okay. In time, I want people to realize how certain environmental aspects can influence a person’s choices.
The Alpha Male (The Winner Within Him)
It seems that athletes, politicians, and other important public figures catch a lot of dissonance for their infidelity (hey, John Edwards and Elgin Cheetah Woods!).
What must be understood is this: due to higher testosterone levels, “people of importance” are more prone to cheat. Dr. Edward Laumann, sociologist from the University of Chicago, makes this important discovery quite clear:
In games or competitions -- and this has been observed in the animal kingdom as well -- winners (males) have a t-surge and those that are defeated have a dampening down of testosterone. Now that would make sense because [the losers are] less likely to challenge or fight with somebody who’s already beaten them. So they withdraw from the fight and the other gets priority for sex, for food, for whatever’s out there that they want to have. So you have a situation where you’re selecting on exactly those variables. [5]
So, animal magnetism and nature still rears its head into the situation. Eventually, women take a liking to these powerful figures to reinforce the “groupie effect” [6]. Realistically, the coined term “everybody loves a winner” has more innate meaning than expected.
Looks and Sex is NOT Everything
Women tend to feel inadequate due to their physical insecurities. Yet they don’t totally contribute to every situation of infidelity. About 10% of surveyed males note that their mistresses are more attractive than their wives [7]. So, thinking of him cheating with someone that looks better is more circumstantial than intentional. Also, about 10% of those surveyed noted that their wives looks caused them to cheat [8]. Therefore, it can be said that very few men cheat because of their wives looks.
The same thing can be said about a man’s sex life. About 10% of the men surveyed noted that their sexual attraction is lessened by their wives’ looks [9]. So, there is a minute likelihood that your depleted sexiness will make him lose interest (unless you transformed into Jabba Da Hut). Even further, sex probably had the least amount to do with drifting away from the relationship than expected [10]. As important as sex is within a relationship, it may not be the main cause for concern when it comes to infidelity.
So, What Is Next?
In conclusion, it is time for us to realize that men aren’t the high-octane instinctual burros that Steve Harvey makes them out to be. We are emotional (just like women). We love sex, but most of the time it won’t drive us to cheat. Pay attention to his status and his surroundings (friends and family history). Know how that man feels and what his desires are. Make him feel wanted. If he still cheats then there is something deeper going on.
In the end, please KNOW YOUR MAN!
‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!
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7 comments:
Man, much respect for this analysis. You built your case on solid intellectual analysis, Steve Harvey and people like him base their positions off of emotion and stereotypes.
I think the masses are programmed to follow whatever is "hot" or popular, without critically thinking about the purveyor's own track record.
Steve Harvey is out to make money, mainly off people who are looking for a way to justify their own shortcomings, plain and simple. Improving people's relationships are the least of his concern--and if people consider that he has already had 2 failed marriages--they would stop giving him an audience.
This was really good and really long. Lol.
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