I don’t care what anyone says, Chris Rock is hilarious.
He isn’t funny for being silly. He is funny because he is either truthful or perceptively intelligent.
During one of his past comedy specials, Rock mentioned the concept of “new pussy”. He explained the benefits of “new pussy” being that it always “clears your mind”. However, draw backs included “lack of long term commitment (can’t cook, can’t read, can’t take care of you). Still, the reasoning was on point. Conclusively, Rock managed to note a real reason for men to stray away: to find something new.
Yet, many females feel this is the ONLY reason. Thus, it is time to uncover another chocolate covered lie: All men cheat to get something/someone new.
The confusion behind it all is simple: men do enjoy new women in their life. Men do enjoy things that are different from the norm. Having something “new” can give you a different feeling than the “same ole, same ole”. Also, there is always that possibility of finding something “better”. In the end, there are always going to be reasons to deal with a different woman.
Although finding someone new is a good reason for a man to stray away, it is not the only reason. In fact, one good reason has nothing to do with another woman at all. It has more to do with the prescription of the male biology.
Initially, monogamy is something that is nearly relegated to the human species alone. Paul J. Zak, neuroeconomist at Clarmount Graduate University at Clarmount, CA, noted this:
Studies have shown that about three percent of mammals are socially monogamous. This means that males and females cohabitate to jointly raise offspring. Genetic studies have shown that few of these paired animals are sexually monogamous. Yet, many of these animals continue to be socially monogamous. [1]
Having said that, there is little wonder as to why you see so many affairs going on.
More than finding something new, men crave something even deeper: variety. That’s because it’s very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they’re biologically programmed to mate with many women [2]. Over the years, men have conquered, or worked to conquer, as many women as possible. It is even pushed in our upbringing (allowing a young man to soil is oats, per se). Realistically, it doesn’t have to be someone “new”. It could be an old flame from years before. There is a chance that man will want to have more than one. Not all men are like this. Yet, many are. What must be accepted is that, through biological means and cultural interventions, men like to have more than one woman.
Another aspect of straying men is the LACK of sex/sexuality that comes into play. Oh, you remember those nights when “you didn’t feel like it”. You can recall that time when he was throbbing with testosterone and you gave him the cold shoulder because you were mad. Well, those choices you made do have some consequences. Just because you won your prize (man or boyfriend), does not mean you can stop trying. Effort is required to keep that sex life alive. Some men cheat because they want to try new sexual things that their current partner will not try [3].
And for any woman that is reading this, I know it looks horrible. The woman has to worry about being “sexy enough” and the man being “satisfied enough”. Yet, as biological and cultural it may be, men can still make a choice about it all. Still, at the end of the day, men do make the choice. So, it is up to the man to either cheat or not to cheat.
Men won’t get off the hook in my research. Responsibility is responsibility.
Yet, women don’t really make it any easier for the men. Instead of making sure that we feel appreciated for what we do, women tend to give us sex to pacify us. Often, though, that doesn’t really do anything for the male.
Why?
Well, because men actually do enjoy a compliment every now and then. A pat on the back doesn’t hurt. M. Gary Neuman, author of The Truth About Cheating, noted this:
Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked. But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he’s likely to match it. [4]
Men aren’t going to ask for their props like it’s a handout. Why should we ask for something that you should be giving us anyway? Also, there is the aspect of pointing out his faults all the time instead of appreciating greatness. Keep it honest: if that man does not possess anything worthwhile, then you have no reason to be with him. Pointing out where he fails instead of either raising him up or helping him with his issues does not make for a good relationship. Yet, it can make for a great break up.
Don’t want to lose your man? Well, appreciating him can take you a long way. Men can’t get sexy anywhere. It is the intangibles that make us stay.
Oh, and if you have doubts about the research, M. Gary Neuman interviewed plenty of MEN to get his answers. Not women. But men. You usually wouldn’t ask the chicken how chicken tastes, would you?
So, let me break it down for you all out there: there are two main categories for your cheating man: dissatisfaction and lack of control over animalistic urges. The vast majority of your cheating will revolve around those two situations. There are some other reasons that may not fit (women allowing their men to cheat, to see if they can get away with it). However, if that man is cheating on you then either there is something wrong with what YOU are doing or there is something wrong with HIM. There is no way around it.
Ladies: by all means, if you gonna be with that man you gotta go hard or just go home. Let the other women have him if you don’t want to put in the work.
Men: if you know full well that your penis serves as your GPS for your actions, leave these women along and just be Leon Phelps. Get a bottle of Courvoisier, grow a fro, womanize, fraternize, and sexualize the women of your choice and keep it moving.
‘Nuff said and ‘Nuff respect!
2 comments:
M Dot... first and foremost, this is an awesome piece of work sir. Well written and thought out. The information is fact based and evidence driven and I won't dispute that.
Part 1:
The primary basis for the first part of my comment is rooted in my Christian belief system. I believe the reason why we (humans) are in that 3% of mammals that are socially monogamous (which I'm sure is even less when you talk about being sexually monogamous) is because God created us for a different purpose. We were set apart and given divine authority. In Genesis 1:26 it says, "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth." It’s impossible to rule over anything when your behavior is the same as the behavior of what you are trying to rule over. Animals do animalistic things… they rule mostly by brawn versus brains which explains most of the food chain within the animal kingdom. For all intents and purposes that’s how things should be. We have so many problems, especially in our community, with children being misguided because you have so many teenage girls and boys becoming parents. They can’t exercise authority over a child when they’re only children themselves. They tend to do childish stuff and even though they’re supposed to be the parents, we end up hearing all of these stories about out of control children because the authority is not setting themselves apart behaviorally, but still attempting to have dominion. We have a responsibility to act different, to talk different and to be different if we are to have that Divine dominion. If we, as men, wanna walk around and get “new pussy” like animals, then the ability to rule kinda goes out the window – not even from a divine authority standpoint, but also because we totally get wrapped up in the game and the lies we have to tell to keep getting new pussy and keep old pussy at least willing to be available for a hit. I hate to throw this out there, but there is a noticeable lack of respect for the ‘few good men’ that are still out here. I ain’t sayin’ what I said, but I’m sayin’…
As you said, women don’t get off the hook here because keeping a man happy at home is definitely a task. And it can be provide as much pleasure or as much heartache as a woman makes it. It extends far outside of your physical beauty and it requires that you handle us, sometimes, with surgical precision. Most men face the world each day in full armor -- prepared to take on whatever battles are thrown our way. We are raised not to cry or show emotion. Women want a man who can go out and take on the world and still come home and handle business as well, but also show that softer side when they desire it. It takes a special woman to make us take that armor off and expose our emotions. If you have a man that is willing to let you see that part of him, it is advisable to nurture that and definitely don’t try to punk him.
It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t pay homage to Jesus and pimpin’ in the same response. So, to go back to your original analogy, I’m reminded of the words of a great philosopher who was also known for his pimpin’ ability --- In Hustle & Flow, D Jay said, "See... man ain't like a dog. And when I say "man," I'm talking about man as in mankind, not man as in men. Because men, well, we a lot like a dog. You know, we like to piss on things. Sniff a bitch when we can. Even get a little pink hard-on the way they do. We territorial as shit, you know, we gonna protect our own. But man, he know about death. Got him a sense of history. Got religion. See... a dog, man, a dog don't know shit about no birthdays or Christmas or Easter bunny, none of that shit. And one day God gonna come calling, so you know, they going through life carefree. But people like you and me, man, we always guessing. Wondering, "What if?" You know what I mean? So when you say to me, "Hey, I don't think we should be doing this," I gotta say, baby, I don't think we should be doing this neither, but we ain't gonna get no move on in this world, lying around in the sun, licking our ass all day. I mean, we man. I mean, you a woman and all, but we man. So with this said, you tell me what it is you wanna do with your life.
It’s all relative mane… and when all is said and done, it takes two to make a thing go right --- or left --- or wrong. And I’m Gone…
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